[prompto wishes he were somewhat stronger, like cloud, built up on stubbornness. he tries taking what he can, a moment of courage, if nothing else.]
[he lands his hand, open palm, onto cloud's back.]
Sorry.
[he apologizes, because in many ways he's sorry to bring this up to cloud, who worked years and years to not be bothered by it. prompto feels his eyes sting, and he draws his hand back from his brother to rub at his own face. there's a quiet sniffle, but despite the waterworks threatening to commence, he keeps strong for what he's worth.]
I made the choice to leave home and yet it feels like I keep going back there. [he scoots up, to sit beside cloud, except he's looking down and is keeping slumped where he is]
Why... Why couldn't she have dumped me in with you and James? She went and had 'er own family, but I didn't even get a choice to do the same.
[it's not fair, he mutters, rubbing his hand over his face again]
[Cloud won't judge the tears, even if they’ve not completely spilled yet. Here, it’s just the two of them, and their thoughts are only for the other to hear. Insecurities laid bare in the middle of the night, raw and honest.]
Prompto…
[He looks at his brother, though his own face might be hard to discern in the lack of light.]
You could ask yourself all day, for the rest of your life, and there won’t be an answer for you. The only thing I can say is that she never took the time to look after anyone other than herself.
[Cloud knows that there was something else underlying it. There must have been. An insecurity, an inability or unwillingness to take responsibility for a child. Something that was more complicated than just “I don’t want to deal with him”.
But what was the point on dwelling on it? It changed nothing. It only made him feel worse about it, and Cloud is beyond the point of feeling bad about it any longer.]
Besides, you’ve got me and my dad now. I know you haven’t met him, but he’ll like you. I’m sure of it.
[prompto rubs at his eyes with his hand, turning to look at cloud. his expression is still set into an impressive pout, but his eyes are wide with something akin to appreciation]
Y'think so?
[his voice is tiny, but he manages to sound brave]
[cloud's words are wise, though; they cut through to what's true of not just his circumstance (not anymore), but of their shared circumstance. prompto thinks he's fortunate to have found a brother despite all the odds.]
[the action is without hesitation; he turns to cloud, near falling over as he wraps his older brother into a(n otherwise embarrassing) embrace, eyes shut tight. he's 20 but he may as well be a child, still.]
[A little exhale of air, not expecting Prompto to latch onto him in that way. But he just huffs out a laugh despite the seriousness of the conversation, eyebrows raising. He puts an arm around his brother, his other hand still pressed into the mattress to keep his balance.]
Yeah. You do.
[He hopes he's offered some comfort in the face of what was bothering Prompto. The idea of family, after viewing evidence of another family member moving on and not looking back.
[of course he wants to. that tagged-in permission doesn't need to be added as an after thought at all. of course prompto wants to make up for lost time; there have been so many daydreams and fantasies where he's not in the park by himself when the other kids get called by their parents when it's getting late, where he wakes up to saturday cartoons and a mountain of pancakes for breakfast, where he's not alone walking home from school to be greeted by an emptier, small apartment.]
[he's got a brother now, who isn't annoyed to have been woken up in the middle of the night, who doesn't tell him off for being obnoxiously emotional, who is willing to be a big brother, and maybe--maybe--cloud's dad will like him, too.]
[prompto tightens his hold a bit, nodding.]
Y'can't take that back now. It's been a lot of time.
Wouldn't wanna take it back. [A simple response, heavy in its commitment. And yet Cloud means every word of it.] Yeah it's been a lot of time, but we've got even more of it ahead of us. No big deal.
[He shrugs, and it's a little casual, an attempt to lighten the mood. He gives Prompto a playful shove on the shoulder, looking at him.]
No more tears. You going to be able to sleep okay for the rest of the night? Or do we need to get up and watch a movie or something?
[words internalized, playful shove registering, prompto over-exaggerates and topples over with it, letting go of cloud before he falls back on the bed.]
[he offering a meek smile, rubbing at his face with his hands]
[(cloud's got work in the morning, he knows this much)]
As tempting as that sounds, I'll be alright. Tell me something from back home though?
[It feels like a long time ago, though for a young man of only 24, it really isn't.]
I wanted transportation of my own so badly... but of course dad wouldn't let me get a motorcycle right off the bat. Had to prove that I knew what I was doing with it.
Was it hard to get around? In your... town...? I don't think I know where you even moved in from.
[sheepish sound of amusement] --um, I get it though. As much as this city's got buses and it's not hard to get around, I wanted my own wheels. How did y'afford a bike? Did your dad help you out?
It wasn't a huge city, but there was public transportation. But you know... it's like you said, I just wanted my own pair of wheels. To ride as much as to take apart and look at.
[A shrug.]
And yeah. Dad helped me out. Said I had to pay it off with a lifetime of chores, which of course I agreed to in a hurry.
[prompto's pushing his hands upwards to stretch his arms out, only to have them flop down onto his face when he tries to hide his giggling at the comment about the lifetime of chores.]
[it says something, perhaps, the fact that prompto can realize how calming and wonderful that kind of familial dynamic is, without really understanding it due to lack of experiencing it himself. it probably also says something that what he feels doesn't harden into something upsetting and bitter, but rather into something soft and gentle, welcoming the opportunity to be part of this apparent usual family interaction, even if he's just seeing things from the sidelines.]
I got lucky. Noct got my moped for me as a congratulatory gift for getting accepted into uni. [sometimes, prompto considers all the things noctis doesn't remember due to his short-term amnesia, and how much he wishes to tell him--] Definitely no need to do any chore from my end.
[he smiles, turning his head to look at cloud's profile. his brother is real, tangible, with flaws and amazing qualities, and prompto doesn't feel so alone right now, not anymore. the earlier tremors of insecurity and creeping rejection so easily forgotten.]
[prompto belongs, and his chest doesn't weigh heavy at all.]
...thanks for helping me fix it, by the way. I still mean it, when I said I'd pay for the costs of fixing, y'know.
[A hand comes up to make a dismissive motion, quick to wave away the idea.]
I know you meant it, and the answer's still the same. You don't have to pay me, since I'm just doing it on my own time.
[He's had to wait for awhile for Cloud to find time to gather parts and fix it up in his spare time. He'd not make a paying "client" wait that long, so he's not going to make Prompto pay for his services.]
It's nearly done, by the way. Then you can take it out for a real test drive and let me know if it feels as good as new.
[after that, the reason prompto may start crying will be different from his initial burst of emotion. but he manages to keep on smiling, until his cheeks hurt, driving the tears to stay.]
[it goes unsaid, but it's almost like prompto can tell that cloud means what he says because it's what brothers do. he's thankful; he's incredibly thankful--]
Yeah.
[he turns on his side, getting comfortable with the small space on the bed, impossible to keep the smile down. his eyes closed, he feels lighter.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[he lands his hand, open palm, onto cloud's back.]
Sorry.
[he apologizes, because in many ways he's sorry to bring this up to cloud, who worked years and years to not be bothered by it. prompto feels his eyes sting, and he draws his hand back from his brother to rub at his own face. there's a quiet sniffle, but despite the waterworks threatening to commence, he keeps strong for what he's worth.]
I made the choice to leave home and yet it feels like I keep going back there. [he scoots up, to sit beside cloud, except he's looking down and is keeping slumped where he is]
Why... Why couldn't she have dumped me in with you and James? She went and had 'er own family, but I didn't even get a choice to do the same.
[it's not fair, he mutters, rubbing his hand over his face again]
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Prompto…
[He looks at his brother, though his own face might be hard to discern in the lack of light.]
You could ask yourself all day, for the rest of your life, and there won’t be an answer for you. The only thing I can say is that she never took the time to look after anyone other than herself.
[Cloud knows that there was something else underlying it. There must have been. An insecurity, an inability or unwillingness to take responsibility for a child. Something that was more complicated than just “I don’t want to deal with him”.
But what was the point on dwelling on it? It changed nothing. It only made him feel worse about it, and Cloud is beyond the point of feeling bad about it any longer.]
Besides, you’ve got me and my dad now. I know you haven’t met him, but he’ll like you. I’m sure of it.
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Y'think so?
[his voice is tiny, but he manages to sound brave]
[cloud's words are wise, though; they cut through to what's true of not just his circumstance (not anymore), but of their shared circumstance. prompto thinks he's fortunate to have found a brother despite all the odds.]
[the action is without hesitation; he turns to cloud, near falling over as he wraps his older brother into a(n otherwise embarrassing) embrace, eyes shut tight. he's 20 but he may as well be a child, still.]
--I got f'mily now.
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Yeah. You do.
[He hopes he's offered some comfort in the face of what was bothering Prompto. The idea of family, after viewing evidence of another family member moving on and not looking back.
Who says they can't do the same?]
We'll make up for lost time. If you want to.
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[he's got a brother now, who isn't annoyed to have been woken up in the middle of the night, who doesn't tell him off for being obnoxiously emotional, who is willing to be a big brother, and maybe--maybe--cloud's dad will like him, too.]
[prompto tightens his hold a bit, nodding.]
Y'can't take that back now. It's been a lot of time.
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[He shrugs, and it's a little casual, an attempt to lighten the mood. He gives Prompto a playful shove on the shoulder, looking at him.]
No more tears. You going to be able to sleep okay for the rest of the night? Or do we need to get up and watch a movie or something?
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[he offering a meek smile, rubbing at his face with his hands]
[(cloud's got work in the morning, he knows this much)]
As tempting as that sounds, I'll be alright. Tell me something from back home though?
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[If they're both going to lie down, then Cloud will do the same. He lays straight, staring up at the ceiling. Not that he can make anything out.
Something from back home...]
I guess an old memory, right? Did you know when I first got on a motorcycle for the first time, I was terrified?
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Yeah, that's believable enough.
[he's also staring up at the ceiling, trying to fit images in with the words]
How old were you?
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[It feels like a long time ago, though for a young man of only 24, it really isn't.]
I wanted transportation of my own so badly... but of course dad wouldn't let me get a motorcycle right off the bat. Had to prove that I knew what I was doing with it.
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[sheepish sound of amusement] --um, I get it though. As much as this city's got buses and it's not hard to get around, I wanted my own wheels. How did y'afford a bike? Did your dad help you out?
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[A shrug.]
And yeah. Dad helped me out. Said I had to pay it off with a lifetime of chores, which of course I agreed to in a hurry.
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[it says something, perhaps, the fact that prompto can realize how calming and wonderful that kind of familial dynamic is, without really understanding it due to lack of experiencing it himself. it probably also says something that what he feels doesn't harden into something upsetting and bitter, but rather into something soft and gentle, welcoming the opportunity to be part of this apparent usual family interaction, even if he's just seeing things from the sidelines.]
I got lucky. Noct got my moped for me as a congratulatory gift for getting accepted into uni. [sometimes, prompto considers all the things noctis doesn't remember due to his short-term amnesia, and how much he wishes to tell him--] Definitely no need to do any chore from my end.
[he smiles, turning his head to look at cloud's profile. his brother is real, tangible, with flaws and amazing qualities, and prompto doesn't feel so alone right now, not anymore. the earlier tremors of insecurity and creeping rejection so easily forgotten.]
[prompto belongs, and his chest doesn't weigh heavy at all.]
...thanks for helping me fix it, by the way. I still mean it, when I said I'd pay for the costs of fixing, y'know.
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I know you meant it, and the answer's still the same. You don't have to pay me, since I'm just doing it on my own time.
[He's had to wait for awhile for Cloud to find time to gather parts and fix it up in his spare time. He'd not make a paying "client" wait that long, so he's not going to make Prompto pay for his services.]
It's nearly done, by the way. Then you can take it out for a real test drive and let me know if it feels as good as new.
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[he won't fight it, crumpling up some of the blanket and pulling it over his face]
[he stays quiet a while, until he decides to speak up again. embarrassing prompto o'clock]
...Cloud? You're the best. Thank you.
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Don't mention it.
[And he means it. No need to thank him, it's just what he Should Do as a brother.]
Get some sleep or you're gonna be tired tomorrow.
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[it goes unsaid, but it's almost like prompto can tell that cloud means what he says because it's what brothers do. he's thankful; he's incredibly thankful--]
Yeah.
[he turns on his side, getting comfortable with the small space on the bed, impossible to keep the smile down. his eyes closed, he feels lighter.]
G'night.